12. Death

The most beautiful moments in life, the ones that mean the most, the ones that alter everything... They're the moments where you're closest to death.

Nothing makes you appreciate what you have like having it slip right through your fingers. Nothing makes each day seem brighter than looking at life through a dim outlook. Nothing tastes as good as breath of fresh air when you thought you'd  never see the light of day again.

Death is brought to us as a natural end to our lives. It's brought to us when we no longer have a purpose here and we're better off to go. It's given to us as something we need. That's why it's inevitable.

And yet, death is the most painful part of life. It doesn't hurt us-no, we hardly feel a thing. But it hurts those around us. It creates a hole in them that will never be filled. It fills them with an emptiness that can never be cured. It's the single worst pain in the whole world- losing someone you love.

Maybe we don't just die because it's our time. Maybe we die to teach those around us a lesson. Maybe, just maybe it's good for those who love us.

Maybe they learn to appreciate what they have.
Maybe they realize life isn't as bad as they thought.
Maybe they walk away from there stronger.

But then again, maybe not.

Maybe they can't live without us.
Maybe they never overcome the pain and are swallowed by it instead.
Maybe they lose all hope.

There's no answer here, and I hate it. I want to hear that the death of those I love will help me. I want to hear it will be okay. But it won't, will it? Because even if I am stronger, even if I appreciate what I have and realize life isn't so bad... I still won't have my loved one. I'll still be filled with pain. And yes, the pain will dull. But it won't leave. No, it will never leave. Until the day I die, that is.

Because then, all the pain I suffered, all the loss and grief I went through... It's passed on to those who love me.